NCIS: Deep Down
by AnonymousNCISFan
Summary: A despondent Gibbs has been taking Abby for granted. When tragedy strikes, will Gibbs be able to fix things before it's too late? Set in Season 14 following the events of "Pandora's Box" - Spoilers Abound!
1. Cracks: Turning Into Something Bigger

**NCIS: Deep Down**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: PG-13**

 **Summary: A relationship explored**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 14 **_**(Takes place during Season 14, right after Pandora's Box. It also relies on plot points from "Willoughby" and "Off the Grid" Lots of callbacks to earlier seasons with Gibbs/Abby moments.).**_

 **Warnings: Extreme Angst, possible character death**

 **NOTE: Quotes in italics are from past episodes**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Author's Notes: I know Gibbs has experienced way too much pain in his life, but WARNING: this story brings him through one of his most painful journeys yet. It's in response to the coldness and distance I've noticed developing between Gibbs and Abby in Season 14. In my mind, those two and their relationship are the heart of the show. Lately, Gibbs has been less than fatherly toward her – barking at her, being ungrateful and standoffish, never smiling in the lab. I want that good Gibbs/Abby vibe back, even if I have to break Gibbs to do it LOL. Mostly, it's just to let my feelings out (and maybe yours too!). This is an attempt to explain the distance that, it seems, has grown between them, and also is an attempt to fix it. Plenty of callbacks and Easter Eggs for long-time NCIS & Gibbs/Abby fans! Feedback is much appreciated!**

 **Chapter 1 – Cracks: Turning into Something Bigger…**

 **Gibbs' House…11:45PM**

Gibbs settled back on his new, plush couch, intently reading a book he would've laughed at 10 years ago – "The Sensitive Man's Survival Handbook." He knew it shocked the team when they found it – he was always so direct, so quiet, and harsh at times. He had to be. He was a federal agent. But deep down, down where his heart still ached from the loss of his wife and daughter, he knew the truth that nobody would ever guess – his heart was sensitive and easily broken. It bled easily, and steadily, these last few years, as the losses piled on. His rough and tumble "John Wayne" exterior fooled some, but not all. One person knew all too well – had known long before he had even begun to acknowledge it to himself.

"Ah, Abbs," he sighed out loud, thinking of the forensic scientist who somehow stole his heart nearly 18 years ago. Shaking his head, Gibbs removed his glasses and closed the book, placing it on the coffee table. She'd been on his mind lately, as he kept examining how she'd managed to fix the "Kelly plate" – the plate his daughter had given him only months before she and her mother were murdered. While Quinn may've accidentally broken the dish, the crack was already forming and he knew it. Yet he refused to acknowledge it, or reach out for help to fix it. He supposed the book he was reading would call that symbolic – how he too had so many cracks that he refused to reach out for help to mend.

And of course it had been Abby who'd fixed the plate – and not just fixed it, but made it brand new. As Gibbs reflected on the plate, he realized it's what Abby did for him, too – made him a better person, gave him a second chance to be a good father, even if he had struck out in the role of husband. He once told her simply, "The things you do mean something to people." He knew it was the understatement of the year, but couldn't bring himself to express anything deeper – he'd even told her once, when he offered to listen to her issues with insomnia several years back: "Nothing too deep, Abbs."

Gibbs winced at the memory, and at his treatment of her these past few months. If he was honest, Ziva's death and Tony's departure were pressing on him, reminding him of how easily his family could be lost again, over and over. He was grateful Fornell survived, and having him around eased the ache. But Abby was a reminder of how things used to be – of the old team – and she wore her heart on her sleeve. Coming down to see her upset or overly wound up tore at Gibbs, and he responded with slight agitation and distance.

The day he went "off the grid," he knew Abby would be worried sick, and she was. Yet when he returned, he merely gave her a quick hug and swiftly got back to work, even barking at her to get back on track when she wandered. He knew her mind wandered because she was so brilliant, so full of energy and life and love that her body could barely contain it. He knew her struggle, yet he chose to play annoyed and removed.

"Not so sensitive after all," Gibbs sighed, pushing the book away and leaning back to look at the ceiling. This was especially true during Abby's latest adventure with Homeland. He just sat there in interrogation as she poured her heart out to him, the pain she felt over having almost killed 100s of people in a fake terrorist attack that became all too real. He could've lost her, yet he chose to distance himself even as she cried over her friend's death and her unwanted involvement in the scheme.

He should call her. See if she was OK. At the very least, he should thank her for fixing Kelly's plate - an item that meant so much to him. Hell, he should thank her for fixing _him_ in so many ways. But he knew he wouldn't – he couldn't. It wasn't his way. It wasn't comfortable – it was a damn noose that tightened at his throat when he thought about spilling out what was in his heart.

" _Do you believe miracles?" Quinn had asked, to which he simply and quickly responded, "No."_

" _Do you believe in Abby?" His response came just as swiftly._

" _With all my heart."_

Had he just said that? Had he just exposed himself? Was the book rubbing off on him? He looked down at the plate, almost embarrassed he'd said that much to Quinn. He'd never said anything like that to Abby. He'd almost prided himself on how he was able to hold back, but when Quinn revealed what he should've already guessed at about the plate, his heart took over. And he let it slip – his big secret – not only did he have a heart, but he let someone in.

Gibbs' thoughts were disrupted by the buzz of his flip phone. He gave a half smile as he saw the caller ID – it was Abby. She had always said they had a connection – something deep – like magic. Gibbs didn't believe in magic, or miracles, but he did believe in Abby, with all his heart. Of course she would call him now. He felt caught, as if she knew he was thinking of her.

"Hey, Abbs, what's up?" he answered, waiting for the usual chipper response. What he heard instead nearly made his heart stop.

"Agent Gibbs?" a decidedly male voice responded on the other end. Gibbs frowned and swallowed.

"Who _is_ this?" he asked, a bite in his voice.

"Detective Simmons. I'm with Metro PD."

Gibbs' mind was screaming as he focused on the plate Abby had so carefully repaired, trying to calm himself, trying to remain in control.

"Tell me," Gibbs rasped, trying to prepare himself for whatever awaited him.

"Agent Gibbs…there's been an accident. We need you to come down."

"Where's Abby?" he asked, his tone dark and deep.

"It's best if you just come down. I'm texting you the address."

"Hey! Tell me what the hell's going on?!" All Gibbs heard was a click, followed by a buzz that revealed an address not far from his home. Glancing at the plate one last time, Gibbs swallowed and got up, grabbing his coat and keys as he slammed the door behind him.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	2. A Promise Broken

**NCIS: Deep Down**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: PG-13**

 **Summary: A relationship explored**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 14 **_**(Takes place during Season 14, right after Pandora's Box. It also relies on plot points from "Willoughby" and "Off the Grid" Lots of callbacks to earlier seasons with Gibbs/Abby moments.).**_

 **Warnings: Extreme Angst, possible character death**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **NOTE: Quotes in italics are from past episodes**

 **Chapter 2: A Promise Broken**

" _Did you know that only five of the two and a half million deaths every year occur in elevators?"_

" _Nope."_

Gibbs' grip tightened on the steering wheel as he recalled an exchange from over a decade ago. Stalked by an ex-boyfriend, Abby's fears had led her to hide in the elevator.

" _No one is going to hurt you, Abby."_

" _You're just saying that to make me feel better."_

" _Did it?"_

" _Yeah, can you say it again?"_

" _Nobody's gonna hurt you, Abs."_

Whoever hurt her tonight was going to pay, that much was certain. But Gibbs knew he would have to get a grip on himself if he was going to help her – if he even still could. Another memory flashed before his eyes, one of a cold, wet night when Ari Aswari had nearly taken Abby from him. He remembered the pain and fear in her emerald eyes as he pulled her close and kissed her forehead.

" _I'll keep you safe, Abby, I promise."_

"Maybe you should stop makin' promises you can't keep, Probie," said a familiar voice thick from years of cigarette smoke. Gibbs glanced to his right to see his dead mentor, Mike Franks, in the passenger seat.

"Shut up, Mike," Gibbs said in a low voice, turning away. He figured he should be concerned about these visions he had from time to time, but worried it would be the end of his career. If Vance knew he was hallucinating …

SMACK! Gibbs felt Franks hit the back of his head. He was in trouble now – his visions were manifesting themselves in the physical realm. Or maybe he'd just headslapped himself. He knew, deep down, Mike was right.

"Didn't Ducky warn you you'd get that girl in trouble some day?" Mike snarled, referring to a comment Ducky made eight years ago, after Gibbs asked Abby to dig up some information on a case that Vance – the new director at the time – had forbidden him from participating in.

"Maybe it's got nothin' to do with me, ever think of that?" Gibbs replied sharply.

"Yea, Probie, she has an 'accident' blocks away from your house, but you keep tellin' yourself it's got nothin' to do with you."

Gibbs sighed, shaking his head. "We don't know anything!"

"Looks like we're about to. Sure you're ready for this, Jethro?"

Gibbs glanced back at Mike, but he'd vanished. Squinting, he saw the flashing lights, saw the yellow tape, and saw Abby's car in a ditch. Bile rose in the back of his throat as he pulled over and sprinted to the scene.

"I'm sorry, sir, no one's allowed past this point," an office said, holding his hand out in front of him.

"I'm Special Agent Gibbs, NCIS. My … one of my people…that's her car…" Gibbs was trying to walk past to get a better look.

"I'm sorry sir, unless you have some ID you need to –"

The officer was cut off as Gibbs stepped into his personal space and leaned into him, eyes frantic. "I was called by your people. Now get your _damn_ commanding officer down here – NOW!"

"Hey, hey, let him through, Lyons!"

"Yes, sir, Detective," the young officer exhaled, lifting the tape.

"You Gibbs?" asked the older man dressed in a suit and tie. Gibbs nodded, swallowing down the dread and bile. "I'm Simmons." He held out his hand but Gibbs' eyes were fixed on the vehicle several yards away.

"Tell me … tell me where she is," he rasped.

"She was airlifted to George Washington University Hospital," Simmons said flatly. Gibbs exhaled – at least she was still alive.

"How bad?" Gibbs asked, becoming agitated when Simmons took longer to respond than he'd like. "I said _how bad_?!"

"I'm not a doctor, Agent Gibbs, but lookin' at her, it wasn't good. Found her unconscious, and it just … it looked like a bloodbath."

Gibbs shook his head and turned to walk back to his truck. "Agent Gibbs! Don't you want to know what happened?" 

"Damn straight!" Gibbs called, not looking back. "My agents are on their way. We'll be taking the lead."

"Hey, excuse me?!" Simmons called, but Gibbs was already peeling away in his truck.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	3. One Hell of a Forensic Scientist

**NCIS: Deep Down**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: PG-13**

 **Summary: A relationship explored**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 14 **_**(Takes place during Season 14, right after Pandora's Box. It also relies on plot points from "Willoughby" and "Off the Grid" Lots of callbacks to earlier seasons with Gibbs/Abby moments.).**_

 **Warnings: Extreme Angst, possible character death**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **NOTE: Quotes in italics are from past episodes**

 **Chapter 3: One Hell of a Forensic Scientist…**

It had been hell tracking down anyone who knew what happened to Abby at the hospital. He'd spoken to at least four different nurses and two doctors before finally finding out she was in surgery. Over and over he'd had to explain who he was – and on more than one occasion deny something that deep down he truly felt….

"Are you her father?"

It tore at him. His mind flashed to a distraught Abby seeking comfort in his basement after learning his darkest secret.

" _Tell me how much I've been like a daughter to you, and how much you love me."_

" _Would that help?"_

He hated himself for not telling her right then and there how he felt. But she'd cornered him, questioned him on something he thought she, of all people, would've understood. She looked at him differently that night – like she didn't know him at all. She'd seen the side of him she always tried not to think about – the killer within. He always regretted that she'd learned about the murder of Pedro Hernandez – the man who killed his wife and daughter – at his hand. Yet he was amazed that it never changed how she felt about him, how she risked her career, and her life, to hide his secret after the report went missing. What if this had something to do with that – what if she was dying because of his secret, because of him? He needed answers. He picked up his phone.

"McGee, talk to me." On the other end, he heard the ache in his new Senior Field Agent's voice. If Tony had been there, he could've helped McGee hold it together better. Tony knew McGee's history with Abby, knew how to put aside emotion to get the job done. He had faith in McGee but knew it would be harder for him. He wasn't a hard-nosed cop like Tony – he was a genius with technology and a good agent, but he, too, could wear his heart on his sleeve like Abby.

"Not yet, " Gibbs said quietly, replying to McGee's concerned inquiries about Abby. "She's still in surgery - now what do ya got?"

"Well, Boss, Bishop found paint residue on the back bumper – we think she was run off the road."

"Ok, make sure you get that to Ab-" Gibbs stopped himself, swallowing at the reality in front of him – Abby wouldn't be analyzing any evidence. Gibbs shook his head, refocusing. "Make sure you get that to the lab for analysis."

"Right boss, but there's more. Torres found puncture marks in the driver's seat, probably from a knife. We're searching the area, dusting for prints. Vance is on the phone with the head of Metro to try to get the scene handed over to us. Looks like it could be case-related, boss."

"Yea, but to which case, McGee?" Was it repercussions from her Homeland excursion? Or a jealous boyfriend from her past – was Mauher still in the psych ward? Or was it even worse – Alejandro Rivera exacting revenge in a new way to cause Gibbs pain? Just then, in the background, he heard Quinn yell that she'd found something.

"Hang on, boss." Gibbs looked up at the clock and wiped a hand over his face. It was 3AM. He needed coffee.

"C'mon, McGee, what is it?"

"Boss, Quinn found the knife, along with a note, tossed in the brush."

"What's it say?" Gibbs dread was building – this was personal.

"It says …" Gibbs heard McGee swallow and became even more impatient.

"Spit it out, McGee!" But he could tell his Senior Field Agent was having trouble reading it aloud. Apparently so could Quinn.

"It says," Quinn began, "'Perhaps our warning was lost in translation. Thank you for letting us know you have – correction … HAD - one hell of a forensic scientist. Learn to let sleeping dogs lie."

Gibbs swallowed hard, trying to piece the puzzle together though the words ate at him. "Translation…" he said aloud, pondering the word.

"My God, it's a reference to Qasim," Bishop said in a broken voice, still anguished over the loss of her lover. "Qasim was a translator … This is Kai Chen!" Gibbs closed his eyes as he remembered Chen's M.O. – the invisible businessman who used terrorist acts to manipulate the financial market for his own gain. Despite his money motivations, Chen was simply a terrorist to Gibbs. After the failed mission of Operation Willoughby, and Qasim's murder, Chen had been a ghost, and the team had been taken off the case while MI6 Agent Reeves coordinated with foreign authorities to track Chen down. Had he caught on to their chase?

Gibbs flashed back to a moment in Vance's office, when they had caught the mole who was feeding information to Chen.

" _We have one hell of a forensic scientist,"_ Gibbs had said to the mole, who later contacted Chen's agent to set up a meeting. Had she repeated the information without him realizing it? Did he unwittingly make Abby a target of this terrorist?

"Call Vance, McGee, let him know this was Chen. Tell Bishop to head back to NCIS – I want her on desk duty."

"No, Gibbs, " Bishop protested, overhearing his orders "I need to help, I can –"

"Did I not make myself clear, Bishop?!" he yelled into the phone. "Get down to NCIS and stay there. I'm not putting anyone else in Chen's crosshairs tonight – understood!?"

"Yes, sir," Bishop rasped.

"McGee, tell Torres and Quinn to get that evidence to the lab."

"Yea, but who-"

"Do your best until we can get someone McGee. Have Palmer help, he's a doctor now, he should know things … Just … Do it for Abby."

"You'll call once you know her condition?" 

"I will."

"You sure you don't want me comin' down, boss?"

"Ducky's on his way. I need you to focus on the evidence right now, McGee. See if Metro can give us a hand. Maybe even the FBI."

"Desperate times," McGee said gravely, knowing how much Gibbs hated inter-agency cases.

"Yea, let's get this bastard." Gibbs hung up and looked back at the clock. 3:15AM. Standing up, he made his way toward the cafeteria to finally get some coffee.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	4. The Blame Game

**NCIS: Deep Down**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: PG-13**

 **Summary: A relationship explored**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 14 **_**(Takes place during Season 14, right after Pandora's Box. It also relies on plot points from "Willoughby" and "Off the Grid" Lots of callbacks to earlier seasons with Gibbs/Abby moments.).**_

 **Warnings: Extreme Angst, possible character death**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **NOTE: Quotes in italics are from past episodes**

 **Chapter 4: The Blame Game**

" _I've got good news and bad news, Gibbs. The good news is I'm still cute!"_

Little phrases and moments like this passed through Gibbs' tired mind as he sipped on his coffee back in the waiting area. Abby could always make Gibbs smile even during the harshest cases. The way she teased him, fearlessly and flagrantly – he remembered the days he lived for those visits to her lab, days when images of Kate or Jenny or Mike or all the others they'd lost along the way had become too much to bear. He needed to get her back, needed to hold her, needed to see her face light up as she made her discoveries that helped him get the job done. He simply needed her. Glancing at the clock again – 4:05AM – Gibbs downed the last of his coffee and stood up impatiently, tossing the empty cup and heading to the nurse's station.

"Ma'am, I'm lookin' for an update on a friend … It's been almost four hours … is there any word yet on Abby Sciuto?" Gibbs looked at the woman with pleading eyes – he wanted her to see his pain – maybe it would move her to find out what was going on. The nurse's gaze softened and she nodded, getting up.

"Let me see what I can find out, sir."

Gibbs sighed, watching the nurse disappear through the double doors that led to Abby. Just then he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Jethro," Ducky said, his voice cracking. "Any word?"

"Hey Duck," Gibbs rasped, turning to hug his old friend.

"Uhoh, must be bad," Ducky replied with a grim side-smile, indicating how few times Gibbs had shown this kind of affection.

"She's in surgery … been in there a long time now. Nurse just went to check."

"I heard this might have something to do with our newest adversary, Kai Chen?"

"Yea, we're pretty damn sure, Duck …" Gibbs said, staring off into the distance.

"But there is something else, something you are withholding…"

"I … Abby being here, might all be my fault, Duck." Gibbs looked the older man in the eyes, his guilt and fear glistening in his unshed tears. The great Gibbs was shaken, and it unsettled Ducky.

"Jethro, you cannot blame yourself for-"

"I said it," Gibbs cut him off angrily. "When we confronted Agent Moreau about bein' the mole, I told her, "We have one hell of a forensic scientist," … then this note by Abby's car, it says the same thing."

Ducky listened intently; pursing his lips to quell his desire to interrupt his friend, to tell him it still wasn't his fault. "I let Moreau call Chen's contact, but I wasn't there when she did," Gibbs continued as he started pacing the floor, bringing both his hands up to cup the back of his head. Ducky noted the motion and knew it was one Gibbs made only when he was in severe distress. "I should've been more careful. I should've listened more closely."

"You couldn't have known-"

"I should've known!" Gibbs yelled, slamming his hand on the wall. He sighed and softened, knowing he shouldn't be taking his anger out on Ducky. "I should've known," he repeated more quietly.

"You were trying to help Eleanor, to find out about Qasim – that is precisely why you were not there, Jethro. You cannot blame yourself for that."

"Rule 8 Duck. Never take anything for granted," Gibbs sighed as he sat down, hands clasped tightly in front of him. Ducky joined him, taking a seat by his side. They'd been in this position too often as of late, Ducky thought.

"Jethro, contrary to what some may think, you _are_ human. It is inevitable that, at times, we forget to appreciate those who are beside us day to day. Even someone as unique and brilliant as Abigail."

"Not just that, Duck," Gibbs replied, his voice tinged with regret. "I shouldn't have said that to Moreau. Didn't need to. I was arrogant; I took for granted that she was caught, that we had the upper hand. And 'cause of that, I made Abby a target."

"Rule 16," Ducky said grimly.

"If someone thinks they have the upper hand, break it. And that's what they did, Duck."

"Jethro, Abby is strong. I can't imagine anyone breaking her."

"You didn't see … the blood, Duck…"

"We don't know anything yet. For all we know, she's getting stitched up and will be just fine." The tremor in Ducky's voice betrayed his attempt at forced optimism.

"She's been in there for over four hours, Duck. She ain't goin' home with a few Band-Aids and a bottle of aspirin."

Ducky sighed, placing a hand on Gibbs' shoulder. "I know. It's more than any of us should have to bear, especially so soon after-"

"Duck, not now, OK?" Gibbs didn't want to think about Ziva, or Tony, or Tali, or any of it. He'd done a terrible job trying to sort through his mixed emotions over the situation. He'd even potentially damaged his relationship with Abby over it. And now the thought that he might lose her too made his chest ache and his head spin.

"Jethro, are you sure you're alright?" Ducky asked as he began to look at him through the lens of his medical training.

"Fine," Gibbs said tensely, feeling his friend's scrutiny. "Just a headache."

"Be careful, Jethro. Wouldn't want you to end up in one of those wards too. I know how much you hate those dreaded gowns and being attached to heart monitors and IVs and-"

"Enough, Duck. I'm fine. I'll let ya know if I need medical assistance."

"Of course you will," Ducky said with a slight eye-roll, patting him on the back. Looking up, he saw a nurse and doctor approaching.

"Hello," Ducky greeted them, standing up. Gibbs looked up and followed suit.

"Are you here for Ms. Abigail Sciuto?" the doctor asked, shaking Ducky's hand and glancing at the two men.

"Yes, I'm Dr. Mallard, and this is-"

"Agent Gibbs, NCIS," Gibbs said briskly, holding his breath. He couldn't bear another person asking if he was Abby's father.

"NCIS? I didn't realize Ms. Sciuto was Navy?"

"Forensic scientist," Ducky interjected.

"So you're her co-workers. I see. I was hoping to speak with a family member…"

"She is family," Gibbs rasped. The doctor nodded tensely.

"I understand, but according to our records she has two brothers, one in New Orleans – a Luca Sciuto – and one in Maryland – Kyle Davis."

"They've been contacted," Gibbs said, recalling the pain in Luca's voice when he made the call. Kyle was out of the country and he had to leave a message on his voicemail. "Her brother Luca is on his way, but it'll take a bit. We're what she's got right now, so why don't you just tell us what's goin' on."

"Agent Gibbs," the doctor sighed, looking back at the nurse nervously. "We're very sorry…"

"Sorry for what?" Gibbs asked, his voice raised an octave. Ducky knew what was coming, and despite his own pain tried to brace Gibbs for the news.

"Jethro, why don't you sit-"

"I don't wanna sit down," Gibbs replied harshly, staring intently at the doctor. "I wanna know what's goin' on, so why don't you just tell me, doc." He could see the doctor was nervous, and wondered if it was the first time he'd had to deliver bad news. Gibbs wondered just how bad.

"Ms. Sciuto suffered several puncture wounds to the abdomen, causing internal bleeding, as well as severe head trauma…"

"What are you telling me, doc?" Gibbs rasped, staring him down.

"We tried, but her blood pressure dropped, the wounds wouldn't clot … we lost her, Agent Gibbs. I'm sorry, but we lost her."

"Lost her?" Gibbs said breathlessly, as if someone had punched him in the gut.

"Jethro," Ducky tried, tears brimming in his own eyes.

"So she's dead," Gibbs said flatly, looking to the side at nothing in particular, his eyes squinting. "Abby's dead."

"I'm sorry-"

"Where is she?" Gibbs asked in a whisper.

"I don't understand, I told-"

"Where is her body," Gibbs said in a dark tone, looking menacingly at the doctor, unnerving him.

"She's … she's been brought to the morgue."

"Take me there."

"Jethro, I don't think that's –"

"I wanna see her."

"Don't do this-"

"I need to see her, damnit!" Jethro yelled, kicking a chair in disgust. He was coming apart. Ducky stood in front of him, hands on both of his shoulders.

"Jethro, listen to me. Abby would not want you to see her like this. She would want you to remember her as she was in life, not in death."

"Duck, I can't … this can't be…it can't be…" Gibbs' angered look turned to pain as he saw the tears in his friend's eyes. His own eyes burned, his lower lip trembling.

"Doctor, I think it might be best if you leave us for now," Ducky rasped, looking at his friend who was in obvious shock.

"Wait," Gibbs said, wiping a hand over his face, trying to compose himself and focus as he turned to the doctor. "We need you to release the body back to NCIS."

Ducky frowned, the prospect of autopsying Abby obviously not agreeing with him.

"I have to go through official channels on that, Agent Gibbs. The family needs to be-"

Gibbs grabbed the doctor by his lab coat, pulling him nose-to nose. "Listen to me, doc, we have to find out who did this, and we need … we need her back with us to do that."

"I'll do what I can," he replied, swallowing. Gibbs still clung to him, his blue eyes wide with anger and grief.

"Jethro, let the man go," Ducky said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "He is just doing his job …Abby - the body… it is not going anywhere."

Gibbs took a step back, sighing as he let go of the doctor, who, with the nurse, made a hasty retreat.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

 **Author's Note: OK ,I know this doesn't look good, but there's still more to the story...**


	5. The Poetry of Grief

**NCIS: Deep Down**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: PG-13**

 **Summary: A relationship explored**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 14 **_**(Takes place during Season 14, right after Pandora's Box. It also relies on plot points from "Willoughby" and "Off the Grid" Lots of callbacks to earlier seasons with Gibbs/Abby moments.).**_

 **Warnings: Extreme Angst, possible character death**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **NOTE: Quotes in italics are from past episodes.**

 **Chapter 5: The Poetry of Grief**

Gibbs stood frozen for several moments, trying to process what had happened. Ducky saw his lips moving as it appeared Gibbs was whispering something under his breath.

"Jethro …. Please, just sit down," Ducky begged, grasping Gibbs' arm.

"She's dead, Duck. Abby's dead." It's what he'd been whispering to himself, Ducky realized.

"I know, Jethro …."

"Shouldn't be," Gibbs rasped as a tear fell from the corner of his eye. In all his years with Gibbs, Ducky had never seen him cry. He supposed he did it privately in his basement, or perhaps he was all cried out from the loss of his wife and daughter. But now, for the first time in their 20-plus year friendship, Leroy Jethro Gibbs was shedding tears in front of him.

"Ah, Duck," Gibbs said in frustration, shaking his head as he sat down, trying to control his emotions.

"Let it out, Jethro … it's alright," Ducky encouraged, openly beginning to cry himself as he sat next to Gibbs. Once Ducky put his arm around him, the floodgates opened.

"I loved her, Duck," he choked out as he let the tears slowly and painfully fall. "Never said it."

"There was no need. She knew, Jethro. Abby knew."

"Why her … why her and not me…"

Ducky opened his mouth to speak, but in this rare moment was reduced to silence, remembering how he asked the same question after Kate Todd's murder. Nothing he could say or do would ease his dear friend's ache. In the minutes that followed, Ducky found himself reciting a familiar poem to help express his own grief:

" _ **O Me! O life!...Of the questions of these recurring;**_

 _ **Of the endless trains of the faithless—of cities fill'd with the foolish;**_

 _ **Of myself forever reproaching myself, for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?"**_

Gibbs sighed, squeezing his eyes shut at the words. He recognized them, had read them aloud to Abby a long time ago. The words pierced him. 'Who more foolish or more faithless than I,' Gibbs thought. Ducky pressed on:

" _ **Of eyes that vainly crave the light—of the objects mean—of the struggle ever renew'd; Of the poor results of all—of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me; Of the empty and useless years of the rest—with the rest me intertwined;**_

 _ **The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?"**_

The words were too much for Gibbs bear. His breath hitched, a sob stuck in his throat. Why was Ducky doing this? He wanted to beg him to stop, but he couldn't speak. In that moment, Ducky turned to him, pulling him close and forcing eye contact to ensure Gibbs would hear the end of the poem.

" _ **The answer," Ducky said strongly. "That you are here—that life exists, and identity;**_

 _ **That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse."**_

Gibbs knew what Ducky was trying to tell him – people depend on him. Kelly had told him as much when he lay at death's door last year. But people depended on Abby, too – he depended her, and now she was gone. Nothing made sense.

"Whitman," Gibbs sighed, acknowledging the author of the poem.

" _Leaves of Grass,"_ Ducky nodded. _"_ Abigail's favorite."

"I know…I used to …I'd read it to her on nights when she couldn't sleep. After the bombing, after Dorneget …"

"And Ziva," Ducky said hesitantly. Gibbs turned away.

"No…not after Ziva…" Gibbs rasped, acknowledging the rift that had formed. Abby had called him a few times, asked him to talk about it, but he pushed her away. He didn't want to talk about it. It was bad enough Doc Grace was pushing him - he didn't want to seem weak in front of Abby. And that whole damned situation made him weak - with sorrow, with anger, with regret. Abby had other people she could turn to this time, he had told her, reminding her that she had Bert to help her now.

"Oh Christ, Bert…" Gibbs said, wiping a hand over his face, knowing he'd have to make another phone call. He still hadn't called her brothers to break the latest news. He and Ducky were the only ones who knew Abby was gone – gone like the leaves of grass that wither in the dying fall sun.

"Plenty of time for notifications, and plenty of others to do it, Jethro," Ducky reassured him. Just then, the doctor re-entered.

"Agent Gibbs?" he said hesitantly, still shaken up by their previous encounter.

"Yea," Gibbs answered, looking up, trying to compose himself.

"Your director called, and we're about to prepare the body for transport back to NCIS." Gibbs nodded, swallowing. It was becoming all too real to him now. "If you would like to see her, now would be the time."

Shutting his eyes, Gibbs stood up. Ducky gave him a wary look, but Gibbs waved him off. "I need to do this, Duck."

"It can wait until we get back-"

"No. No it can't."

"Well, then, I'm coming with y-"

"No. Duck, I'm sorry … but I need to do this alone."

"Well, it is not just about _you_ , Jethro," Ducky said almost harshly, his own grief raw. "But I will honor your request. There is no denying you two had a … special relationship that even I envy."

Gibbs winced, nodding.

"I will be here when you are finished, Jethro. And I will take her home."

Gibbs nodded again, a tear falling as he turned and followed the doctor down the corridor.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

 **Author's Note: I know this is incredibly sad, but hang in there, it's not over yet!**

 **Side Note: This chapter featured part of the poem _Leaves of Grass_ by Walt Whitman. Fans may recall Abby receiving _Leaves of Grass_ \- a book of his poetry - in Season 8's "Cracked." Always loved the quote from that episode: "Science is poetry." Very fitting for Abby.**


	6. We Need to Talk

**NCIS: Deep Down**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: PG-13**

 **Summary: A relationship explored**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 14 **_**(Takes place during Season 14, right after Pandora's Box. It also relies on plot points from "Willoughby" and "Off the Grid" Lots of callbacks to earlier seasons with Gibbs/Abby moments.).**_

 **Warnings: Extreme Angst, possible character death**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **NOTE: Quotes in italics are from past episodes**

 **Chapter 6: We Need to Talk...**

As he followed the doctor, walking down the corridors that led to the morgue, Gibbs felt a growing dread in the pit of his stomach. Maybe Ducky was right, maybe he didn't want to see her like this, maybe ...

At that moment his cell phone buzzed, jolting him out of his thoughts. Out of habit, Gibbs pulled it out.

"Damnit," he whispered as he looked at the caller ID.

"Agent Gibbs?" the doctor asked warily. "We're here." He motioned to the doors that led to the morgue.

"Gotta take this," Gibbs muttered, heading into a corner. He didn't really want to take it, but it was a good excuse to delay the inevitable. The doctor nodded and headed through the doors to give him some privacy. Gibbs flipped open his phone and answered.

"Yea, DiNozzo," Gibbs said more sharply than he meant to.

"Just got a call from McGee - said something happened to Abby - what's goin' on, Boss?"

"Not your boss anymore, Tony," he said tensely, realizing he hadn't called McGee yet either.

"Yea, I know, Gibbs, but ... look. Abby's my family too and I just want to know if she's gonna be alright."

Gibbs sighed and closed his eyes in frustration. He did not need to be having this conversation right now, especially not with Tony. They hadn't spoken since he left with Tali for Paris. Senior filled in some of the details, but Gibbs was too stubborn to take the bait - he didn't want to care about what Tony and Tali were doing. He didn't want to care at all. But he did, and Ziva ... she had been like a daughter to him, and he couldn't protect her. It shouldn't have ended that way. All those years of watching her and Tony, the back and forth and the looming of Rule 12 ... had he put a roadblock in front of her happiness? Wasn't that why she had told him she was leaving? That phone call was burned into his memory - him sitting at his kitchen table, icing his head wound with a beer, listening to Ziva - his Ziver - fight back tears as she told him she was moving on, without them, to start again, to get away from the monsters so she could lead a normal life, a happier life. Did he really think there wouldn't be a price to pay for all those years? And now she was dead, and Tony was gone, and Abby...

"Gibbs, you still there? I know it's not a great connection." Tony's voice was hesitant, worry overcoming his fear of pissing off his former boss. He knew Gibbs didn't want to talk to him, for whatever reason. Gibbs had to work out his demons on his own.

"I'm here Tony, it's just...I'm outside the morgue."

"The morgue? But McGee said you were..." Tony's voice trailed off as he realized what Gibbs was trying to tell him.

"She's dead," Gibbs said flatly, flashing back to months ago, in the bullpen, when he'd told Tony the same thing about Ziva.

"Are you sure?" Tony replied in shock, his voice filled with grief.

"Yea, Tony, I'm sure! Told you I'm standing outside the morgue, and honestly I don't have time for this crap right-"

"Well, what the hell happened?!" Tony asked angrily.

"Still working on it," Gibbs snapped back.

"You mean, you don't know anything? I don't believe-"

"I mean you're no longer an agent so you don't get a Sit-Rep on this," Gibbs growled. "You made your choice."

"Don't do this now, Gibbs. This isn't about you, or me ...or Ziva. It's about Abby ... and just because I left, doesn't mean I don't know things. I just spoke to her yesterday, as a matter of fact, and she had some interesting things to say about Homeland."

"She shouldn't have-"

"She also had some interesting things to say about _you_."

"I shouldn't have picked up," Gibbs muttered dismissively, but Tony was on fire, his accusatory tone growing.

"She said that you let Vance strong-arm her into an op she never wanted to do in the first place! She said you just sat there. And then, when she was in trouble, you didn't even touch her, not once -"

"Hey! Enough, DiNozzo! You weren't here. You don't get to judge that."

"It's been going on for months, hasn't it," Tony said sharply.

"What?!" Gibbs shouted.

"How could you do this to her? I mean, I get it, you're pissed - at me, at Ziva, at fate - whatever it is, I can't believe you'd take it out on her like that."

Gibbs face dropped. He was angry, but Tony was confirming his worst fears - Abby had been confiding in Tony about him, about his coldness. He'd hurt her.

"What did she say?" he demanded.

"She said enough," Tony spat.

"What did she say!?" Gibbs repeated with a growl.

"Like you said, you're not my boss anymore, Gibbs! I don't answer to you. And you don't get to kick me around anymore."

Gibbs shook his head, wanting to throttle Tony. He picked a bad time to dredge up old wounds, and Gibbs wasn't going to take things lying down.

"You made your choice, DiNozzo. You chose to stay at NCIS. But your head was not here."

"I did good work-"

"You let your guard down-"

"I did my job!"

"You let a terrorist get the better of you-"

"I took out Budd!"

"And what about Kort?

"Took him out, too! You were there - you-"

"You were distracted, you were too slow, you were-"

"I was in _pain_ , Gibbs!" Tony shouted. A small cry from the other room caused him to stop. Hearing Tali, Gibbs' heart lurched. He knew all too well the pain Tony had been in after Ziva's departure, and then death. He just didn't know how to help him. Just like he didn't know how to help Abby. Abby...

"Look, Gibbs, I gotta go," Tony sighed.

"Tony wait," Gibbs said with just enough of a plea in his voice to get Tony's attention. "I ... I don't blame you. For what happened to me. I don't. I just ... wanted more for you."

"I _have_ more, Gibbs," Tony rasped, and Gibbs could hear Tali close on the other end. "C'mon, Tali, say hello to Poppa Gibbs."

Hearing the lightness in Tony's voice, the singsong way he spoke to his daughter, and the way his daughter spoke back, Gibbs fought back fresh tears. It reminded him of Kelly. And Ziva. And Abby...

"You're a good man, Tony ... a better man than me ... better father than me..." Gibbs looked back at the double doors to the morgue.

"Boss ... I-"

"Give Tali a kiss for me," Gibbs whispered. "I have to go ... and Tony, no one knows yet, except Ducky and me, so ..."

"Won't say a word 'til I hear from you, Boss...I will hear from you, right?"

"Yea," Gibbs rasped. "I'll call ya later. And Tony..."

"Yea, Gibbs?"

"I'm proud of you. You made the right choice, put your family first, before your job, before anything. Something I should've..."

"Gibbs-"

"I could've asked for my deployment to be deferred for family reasons ... just for a month or so ... till the trial with Hernandez was over ... to make sure they were safe ..."

Tony's silence likely resulted from shock, Gibbs thought. Shock that he was sharing this with him, and why now? Perhaps because he was vulnerable over Abby's loss, or because he was coming to terms with why he had pushed Tony away. Or maybe it was advice - advice that Tony somehow already received and responded to.

"I let them down, Tony, and I let Abby down," Gibbs whispered. " _I_ let a terrorist get the better of me and now she's ... just ... gone."

"Gibbs," Tony rasped, the emotion evident in his voice, "Abby wouldn't want you blaming yourself. Neither would Shannon. And I know, believe me I know how easy it is to do that, Gibbs. I tell myself that same thing about Ziva, every night when I tuck my daughter in - she wouldn't want me blaming myself, because I've seen where that road leads ... never to anywhere good. So I get up. I get myself together. And I face the day, whatever it brings."

"You face it with Tali."

"Yea, and you face it with Ducky, and McGee and Bishop and Ab-" Tony stopped himself at her name.

"Was it bad, Tony ... what she said? I need to know."

"She just," Tony sighed, "She just felt like things had changed ... between you. She figured it had something to do with us, Ziva and me. It was a lot for her to process, you know, and she said she wasn't surprised you didn't want to talk about it but ... well, she was just worried about you."

"Tony, you don't have to sugar-coat-"

"I'm not. She loved you, Gibbs. She told me that, too. Guess that's why it hurt so much - she felt like, on top of everyone else, she was losing you, too."

" _I_ feel lost," Gibbs said, an ache in his voice.

"Boss, you gonna be OK? I can be there-"

"Do what you have to, DiNozzo, for your family. Don't worry about me."

"Well, you're family, too," Tony replied. "You need something, you call me. OK?"

"OK," Gibbs whispered. "Gotta go now."

"You don't have to look ... You can just ... it doesn't have to be you."

"It does," Gibbs said in a resolute tone. "But I appreciate it, Tony."

"See ya soon. And Gibbs ... I think Abby would be glad we had this talk."

"Copy that," Gibbs rasped, then closed his cell phone, turning back to face the morgue.

 **TO BE CONTINUED...**

 **Author's note: Thoughts on the Tony/Gibbs conversation? Only two more chapters to go!**


	7. Her Prince Charming

**NCIS: Deep Down**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: PG-13**

 **Summary: A relationship explored**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 14 **_**(Takes place during Season 14, right after Pandora's Box. It also relies on plot points from "Willoughby" and "Off the Grid" Lots of callbacks to earlier seasons with Gibbs/Abby moments.).**_

 **Warnings: Extreme Angst, possible character death**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **NOTE: Quotes in italics are from past episodes**

 **Chapter 7: Her Prince Charming**

" _And now I keep thinking about what Dr. Wolf was saying about my dreams. You know, that image of me lying dead on the autopsy table, and how that makes me feel…"_

" _Abbs, nothing too deep, remember?"_

" _Alone, Gibbs. It makes me feel alone. Like I've got nobody, no family, just … no one."_

Gibbs wiped at his eyes, which were becoming red and irritated from the tears he kept trying to hold at bay as he thought back on Abby's words. He was standing at the door to the morgue following his conversation with Tony, fear locking him in place for the moment. He remembered Abby's old autopsy phobia, how she couldn't go down there for weeks due to her nightmares – nightmares where she saw herself lying dead in autopsy. Those nightmares recurred years later, following the bombing at NCIS. Abby would call him almost every night, no matter what time, and his voice would calm her. But there were boundaries – conversations that couldn't be had - nothing too deep. Looking back on it now, he was ashamed of his fear, of his cowardliness – "Nothing too deep." Deep down, he was afraid to know the truth – that for all his heroics, he couldn't give Abby what she really needed: emotional support, stability, and the deep love she deserved. He was a wreck himself – how could he possibly help her in that way? It was why he'd encouraged her to seek out Kyle - her biological brother. Maybe Kyle could be there for her in ways Gibbs could not.

" _I keep thinking … that image of me lying dead on the autopsy table, and how that makes me feel…"_

He couldn't stop hearing her words. They echoed like a premonition in his mind. He was about to see her, lying there, dead in the morgue … and how would it make him feel? Suddenly, the doors opened.

"Agent Gibbs," the doctor said, standing half-inside the morgue, still obviously intimidated by him. "Are you ready?"

"Let's get this over with," Gibbs sighed, gesturing towards the doors.

As the doctor led him in, Gibbs felt the familiar cold, sterile air move against his skin, chilling him. He wanted to be professional, he wanted to be strong – for himself, for her …

"Here she is," the doctor said as they stopped at one of the drawers. It was closed, her name hastily written on the yellow tag with the numbers 817657320-G. Gibbs did a double take – that was his Marine service number. A coincidence? He didn't believe in them, but if not, then what? It sent a chill down his spine.

The doctor reached for the drawer, which was at chest-height, but Gibbs stopped him. "I got this."

The doctor swallowed, backing away. "I'll … give you a moment."

Waiting until he was gone, Gibbs gripped the handle and pulled out the drawer slowly. A white sheet covered the body, but he could see the raven-dark hair falling loose outside the cloth. No more pigtails.

" _That image of me lying dead on the autopsy table…"_

Taking a breath, bracing himself for the impact, he reached for the sheet…

 _"And how it makes me feel…"_

He slowly pulled it back, revealing first her hair, disheveled; then her brow, noticing the lines that had formed while he hadn't been paying attention; then her eyes, closed, resting. And it hit him – he'd never see their uniquely emerald glint flash his way again. He swiftly pulled back the sheet to reveal the rest of her face. His heart dropped as any faint hope he'd had was lost - it was really her.

" _It makes me feel…"_

"Alone," Gibbs said aloud, repeating her words from years ago, his voice cracking. "Like I have nobody, no family, just… no one." While back then he had felt for Abby in her plight, now he knew exactly how Abby felt.

Gibbs gently rested a hand on the side of Abby's head, noticing the gash on the opposite side that must have happened on impact. He winced. He hadn't had to see Shannon or Kelly after their deaths, but now, confronted with the brutality of this one, he began to unravel. He leaned down close.

"Talk to me, Abbs," he whispered in her ear, stroking her hair. He'd uttered that phrase more than a thousand times over the past 17 years. But this time, there would be no answer, no scientific diatribe to drive him crazy, no smart remarks, teasing words, loving phrases – just silence and stillness - two things he never would have equated with her.

" _You always fix things. Please, Gibbs, fix this too…"_

"Don't know how to fix this Abbs," he rasped, the memories echoing sharply in his mind. "Can't …" A tear slipped down his face, landing on hers. Shutting his eyes, he turned to place a gentle kiss on her cheek, lingering despite the coldness of her flesh. His mind slid back to the fairy tales he would read to his daughter in the evening, of death being defeated by true love's kiss.

 _"Ew, daddy ... like those lovey dovey kisses you and mommy do," Kelly responded, rolling her eyes and scrunching up her face. "I wouldn't want to wake up if a boy did that to me."_

 _A much younger and light-hearted Gibbs laughed, tousling her hair and drawing her close. "Well, true love doesn't have to mean 'lovey dovey,' Kelly," Gibbs smiled, "though one day you might feel different about that."_

 _"I don't think so, but ... I guess maybe I'd wake up if it was you. Like, I wouldn't mind if you were my Prince Charming. Is that what you mean?"_

 _Gibbs leaned over and softly kissed her cheek. "Yea, Kelly, that's what I mean. I'll be your Prince Charming any time you like."_

 _She laughed, wrapping her arms around him as he tucked her in for the night._

"True love's kiss," Gibbs rasped, being pulled from the memory by the cold truth in front of him. Life was far from a fairy tale - his kiss couldn't bring back Kelly, or Shannon. An involuntary sob tore from his throat as he withdrew, knowing it wouldn't bring Abby back to him either.

" _I owe you everything. You're Gibbs. I'm willing to do_ _anything_ _for_ _you_ _."_

"Too bad you were too stubborn to do the same," an accusatory voice called from across the room.

"Shut up, Mike," Gibbs said angrily, keeping his gaze on Abby's face. He never deserved her, and while he tried to be there for her, in the end he failed her, like he always feared he would. It's why he held back - it's what Dr. Taft had seen in him when he asked, _"What are you afraid of, Gibbs?"_ The pain of that reality overwhelmed him. Doc Grace had tried to warn him - tried to tell him keeping everything bottled up would be his undoing. He'd been trying, but he didn't want to appear weak in front of his team - in front of her. He was never good with words, not even with Shannon. It was something he always regretted, but never seemed to learn from. And now, thanks to Tony, he knew she died questioning his affections for her.

"You and your hero complex blinded you to how much she actually helped you over the years," Franks continued, walking toward him. "You lost sight of her, and now she's gone. Just like me, and Jenny and Kate, and Ziva…and Shannon and Kelly."

And there it was. This was his fault. His thoughtlessness - arrogantly telling that mole: _"We have one hell of a forensic scientist" -_ helped put Abby on Chen's radar, helped put her here, put her with all the others he'd lost along the way. This was on him. Anger welled inside him as he tried to push back the pain.

"Why don't you go to hell!" Gibbs shouted, turning to confront a ghost who was no longer there. He turned back to Abby, devastation etched in his face. The pain in his chest grew. This was different. Different from all the others deaths that came before. Abby wasn't a soldier or an agent, used to battle - she was innocent and wouldn't harm a fly, much less a person. She wasn't an angry ex or someone older whose life, though missed, had run its course - she was loyal and brilliant and far too young. She never betrayed him, would never think to hurt him. She bowled with nuns and built habitats for humanity. She gave her time and talent freely and stayed at a job that could never pay her what she was worth simply so she could help people. Abby... _she_ was a loss to the world. Yet somehow, selfishly, he could only think of his own world, and how empty it would be without her in it. And it broke his heart.

"Sorry, Abbs," he whispered gently, taking her cold hand in his, sweeping over the tattoos he'd never see again. He wondered who the RIP was for on her arm - he'd guessed it was for her father, but had never asked. So many things he'd never asked. And her voice kept echoing in his mind.

" _You have no idea how much I wish it was yesterday. Maybe, if I could just close my eyes and open them again, it will be."_

"I know how you felt Abbs… feel the same," he rasped, kissing her forehead. He straightened, sighing, and decided it couldn't hurt to try. She had always inspired him to have faith, but if this didn't work ... his hand moved to grip the SIG on his hip. Slowly, he closed his eyes, tears slipping down his cheeks….

 **TO BE CONTINUED...**

 **Author's Note: Things look grim, but there's still one more chapter to go!**


	8. With All My Heart

**NCIS: Deep Down**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: PG-13**

 **Summary: A relationship explored**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 14 **_**(Takes place during Season 14, right after Pandora's Box. It also relies on plot points from "Willoughby" and "Off the Grid" Lots of callbacks to earlier seasons with Gibbs/Abby moments.).**_

 **Warnings: Extreme Angst, possible character death**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **NOTE: Quotes in italics are from past episodes**

 **Chapter 8 (Conclusion): With All My Heart…**

" _You have no idea how much I wish it was yesterday. Maybe, if I could just close my eyes and open them again, it will be."_

"I know how you felt Abbs… feel the same," he rasped, kissing her forehead. He straightened, sighing, and decided it couldn't hurt to try. She had always inspired him to have faith, but if this didn't work ... his hand moved to grip the SIG on his hip. Slowly, he closed his eyes, tears slipping down his cheeks….

* * *

"Gibbs! Gibbs! Gibbs!"

The familiar voice calling to him … it couldn't be, he thought, as he slowly came to consciousness, wiping his eyes. It was her. She was there, hands on his shoulders, shaking him. Was she really there? Had he actually gone through with it? Was he dead too?

"Gibbs … Are you OK?"

Confused, Gibbs looked around, realizing he was on his couch, Kelly's plate resting on the table, his "survival guide" book lying open on the floor along with his reading glasses. He must've fallen asleep…but it had all felt so real.

"Abby?" he rasped, noticing that his cheeks were wet. He'd been crying in his sleep. And as the dream began to slip away from him he remembered one thing – her, lying dead.

"I – I didn't mean to bother you, Gibbs…it's just you were really late and we were worried, I mean especially after the _last time_ you were late, and everyone was at the crime scene and they couldn't get a hold of you because your cell phone was in the sedan you used yesterday – it must've fallen out of your pocket - I pinged it to check, because, you know Rule 3- never be unreachable…."

Normally Gibbs would have stopped her after the first 10 seconds, but her words were soothing him, their familiar pattern and pitch bringing him back to reality. She was safe. She was with him.

Taking a breath, Abby continued, almost shocked that he was letting her go on.

"So, apparently your phone lines went down last night because there was an accident a few blocks away, and since everyone else was at the crime scene I just drove here, and I was so worried and I saw you lying there, and I wasn't sure if you were breathing, so I reached over, and I saw you were…well… I figured you must've been having a bête noire - you know, nightmare - so I tried to wake you and-"

Breaking out in a big smile, Gibbs finally stopped her rambling by placing a finger over her lips.

"It's OK, Abbs," he said, eyes shining.

Abby nodded as he took his hand away and reached to cup her cheek. "Uh, Gibbs …you sure you're OK?" Abby asked warily, giving him a strange look.

"Just tell her about the dream, probie," he heard Franks say in his head. It wasn't Gibbs' style – it wasn't who he was. Glancing at the book he'd been reading, Gibbs thought maybe it could be who he is now.

"Just … happy to see you, Abbs," he started, swallowing and removing his hand. He felt more vulnerable than he'd been in years.

"Really? Well, that's good…" she trailed off, looking away. He could tell what she was thinking, what she'd left unsaid. She didn't want to hurt him by finishing the sentence – that he hadn't seemed happy to see her in a while. It was the kick in his gut that he needed.

"Abbs, I know things have been … strained … lately … between us…but I never meant -"

"What was the dream, Gibbs?" she interrupted, feeling slightly uncomfortable at the direction of the conversation. But it wasn't only her discomfort that led to the question - it was her desire to help him, to have him open to her. He could tell by the look on her face that it would go a long way in mending things between them if he could try.

"It's a bit of blur," he began hesitantly.

"I know, nothing too deep," Abby sighed, standing up and moving away.

"You were dead," he said matter-of-factly. "I remember that."

The revelation startled Abby and she turned to see him staring at her with a look he hadn't given her in awhile; a look that would break anyone's heart.

"Gibbs-"

"You were dead and I couldn't fix it," he said in a small voice she barely recognized, looking down and away from her. Abby sat down beside him, listening intently. "I know _you_ fixed this," he continued, reaching for the plate his daughter had made him. "Quinn told me everything."

"Oh…well, it really wasn't a big deal-"

"Is to me," Gibbs rasped, looking at the plate. "You always say _I_ fix things, and I try to, but you … you don't just fix things, you make 'em brand new, Abbs."

"Yea, but it was just-"

"Not just talkin' 'bout the plate, Abbs," he interrupted, putting down the plate and turning toward her.

"Talkin 'bout me … and you … you save me, Abby. Every day."

"Save you? Gibbs, you've saved me so many times I don't even know-"

"Here, Abbs," he said, bringing her hand to his heart. "You save me here."

Tears began to form in Abby's eyes.

"You asked me once, to tell you how much you've been like a daughter to me, and how much I love you."

From the look on her face he knew she remembered all too well.

"Used to ask my mom the same question," Gibbs continued, "and she'd always say, 'More than tongue can tell, Leroy, more than tongue can tell.'"

Holding Abby's gaze, Gibbs could see her gratitude mixed with relief – had she really thought he didn't love her? A tinge of guilt swept over him, until she took his hand reassuringly and squeezed. They were family.

" _Back off, all of you, OK?! I am one person!"_

" _Whoa, easy Abbs."_

" _No, Gibbs.. It's late. I am tired, I am overworked and I am taken for granted."_

" _Maybe you should accept that job offer."_

" _I can't believe you'd say that to me Gibbs. How could you think that I would be leaving? Because I got a little mad? So what?! We're family, that's allowed. I get three or four job offers every year. I have never considered any of them."_

Gibbs smiled at the memory, remembering his relief. He'd been despondent during that case, taken Abby - and her loyalty and love for him - for granted. Not unlike how he'd been with her in the months since Tony left. Tony…he had a vague feeling Tony had been part of the dream too, and that he owed him a phone call later tonight. But right now, it was about Abby, and something he owed her.

"Abbs, I'm sor-," he started, but she held up a finger to stop him.

"You don't need to break your own rules for me, Gibbs. I know."

"I do, and I am sorry, Abbs," he finished, squeezing her hand before letting go.

"So…" Abby started, wiping away a stray tear, trying to break the heaviness of the moment, "you used to ask your mom how much you'd been like a daughter to her?"

Abby smirked and Gibbs shook his head, laughing with her for the first time in what felt like years. Even though he hadn't really lost her, it felt good to have her back. He pulled her close, hugging her tightly to his chest.

"Love ya, Abbs," he whispered in her ear - something she'd never heard him utter aloud but deep down always knew.

"Love you too, Gibbs," she rasped, pulling away and kissing him on the cheek in a reverse that both surprised and touched him. "Now," she said in a gruff voice that was obviously meant to imitate him, "Get back to work!"

Gibbs laughed out loud, kissing her cheek before standing up and walking out the door with his arm around her. Deep down, he knew everything would be alright now.

 **PHOOF!**

 **THE END.**

 _ **Author's Notes/Thoughts:**_

 _ **Whew! I hope you enjoyed the story! I know it was very sad and dark, but hopefully the ending made it worth. So, did you catch all the Easter Eggs? Can you name the episodes that featured each flashback quote? Did you guess about the dream? There were some clues – hopefully it came together in Abby's ramblings. It also wouldn't be the first time Gibbs dreamed of a team member being dead - in the Season 1 finale he woke from a dream where he saw Kate dead in autopsy. (Eerily foreshadowing her demise at the end of Season 2). I also like how Mike Franks tends to be the voice of Gibbs' subconscious, so that felt honest to portray.**_

 _ **In terms of dreams, some experts say dreams express the things we keep hidden, so while Gibbs may have seemed more emotive than usual, it was because the dream allowed him to release what he'd been holding inside. I had envisioned this story as a dream all along, trying to piece together a narrative from events that would be floating in Gibbs' subconscious at the time - i.e. Kai Chen (they hadn't taken him down yet); Metro PD (he had just gotten a call from them in the days prior ("Pandora's Box") telling him Abby was in trouble); memories of his daughter (as the "Kelly plate" was fresh on his mind); Ducky's presence and the poetry (Ducky has always been his confidant and often goes off on tangents); Abby's death (he acted cold in the episode, but it was clear Abby was in danger and could've been killed during her Homeland operation. She was clearly shaken, yet Gibbs never touched her once during the episode. This really bothered me, and it was why I had Gibbs being so "hands on" with her, both in his dream and after he woke). Also, I wanted to write something that would stay true to the show, and they would never kill off Abby (I don't think!). The story, in my mind, was Gibbs' subconscious finally working out his feelings on his relationship with Abby, with a little luck thrown in (that Abby came to his house that morning instead of, say, Bishop or McGee).**_

 _ **The Tony phone call: This was an addition I hadn't thought of until I read some feedback. It seemed important to the story that Gibbs resolve some of his feelings over Tony's departure. To me, he seemed very cold in "Family First," except for his last scene with Tony, and I saw this dream-sequence conversation as a way for Gibbs to map out why he was so angry, and why he really shouldn't be. In my mind, Gibbs is jealous that Tony has Tali, and that he walked away, putting his family above his job. Gibbs' guilt over Shannon & Kelly's murder b/c he wasn't there (even though he may not have been able to stop it anyway), plays well against Tony's decision to leave his job to take care of his family. I think that's why Gibbs' parting words to Tony were for him to take care of his family.**_

 _ **About finding Gibbs' Marine Service Number written next to her name on the drawer in the morgue - I felt this symbolized their closeness and connection. Gibbs' Marine Service Number was used to ask for his help back in Season 6 and Abby always had gone to Gibbs for help. Plus, his service in the Marines is part of his identity, who he is - it's important to him, and Abby understands that better than anyone. Identifying her with his Marine Service Number was meant to show how Gibbs knew, in his subconscious, that Abby was just as important to his identity, to who he is now.**_

 _ **As for Gibbs gripping his gun at the end of the dream, it wouldn't be completely out of character for Gibbs to contemplate that sad choice, which has been alluded to in prior seasons. Do I think he would go through with it? Probably not, but it was a dream, and sometimes in our dreams we act in ways we normally wouldn't.**_

 _ **Ultimately, this dream served as the push Gibbs needed to fix his friendship with Abby (and to address the underlying reason for the tension - his difficulties dealing with Tony's absence). I know some see Gibbs and Abby as possibly romantic, but since the show has moved toward the father/daughter dynamic, I'm more than happy to run with that, and think their familial bond can be even more powerful in some ways. I think they have such a special relationship and I'd hate to see it wasted. Rule #5: You don't waste good. Just my take on how things can get back to "normal." Gibbs & Abby are the best!**_

 _ **So, what did you think? Thanks for reading! Feedback rocks, so please leave some!**_


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